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Sunday, July 19, 2009

to cultivate or not to cultivate...

It fascinates me watching how a farmer tries to make the soil seed line straight so that the crop will grow aligned and the spaces just enough and even. A farmer’s job is also an art from the time the crop was planned, planted and when they started growing and when the color changes or later the flowers blossoming into a fruit and until they are harvested and so forth and so on…….

In my life, had I prayed every time to God--- to lead me to a straight path, that no matter how colorful or the colors beautiful or not, the goal is not getting blurred or crooked and somehow it is getting somewhere no matter how long it’ll take….It can only go wrong if I just pray and don’t do anything isn’t it? Just recently as I was questioning and scrutinizing my old self, that I realized I have forgotten to really cultivate my relationship with the people around me. I also realized it is one of the ways to get into the right path ‘having an inspiration and getting some help when I needed it..., and avoid becoming a self-centered silent bitch. But many times I also think so little of me and it doesn’t help also because it destroys my self-esteem, and much more it cuts off my willingness to learn more and being able to share. In the past, there was nothing more important to me but to hear the laughs, the lovely exchanging of ideas and stories….yes, it went away because I chose to become the happy pretender and lived like a hermit for sometime…… but somehow I did not stop praying and when my prayers were maybe not the answer that I maybe expecting but always, I thought it was the best. The present is what makes me strong enough to go on..... I don’t know when my life’s ending but I know that my life is a gift that I have to cherish it and if possible cultivate it, to make it more exciting and beautiful…. And there is no way it will be meaningful unless it is shared with someone……...
This post is shared at Carla's Wings for you site.


Blogger Aravis said...

This was so open and brave. I've never known you to be a bitch, not even remotely. I know what it is to paste on the smile and pretend, but it sounds as though you're embracing life now. I hope that it is all that you want it to be. *hug*

July 21, 2009 6:46 AM  

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